Love and Wonder
by AwesomeGoldfish
Summary: Kaoru loves him but does he feel the same way? How will Kaoru deal with his emotions bubbling inside him? Twincest :) If you don't like it, don't read it. Sorry, my summarys still suck, but please read :)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is my first OHSHC, Twincest FanFiction! Yay! Please don't read it if you don't like it. Please Review and be honest but no 'Ew what did I just read?!' and things like that. Thanks :D**

* * *

**Kaoru POV:**  
I don't know what to do.  
You are my brother, my twin, my best friend.  
I didn't really want anything to change in our lives at this point, but you seemed so interested and so... in love with her.  
Haruhi.  
The name rang though my brain, you really liked her, I could tell. She could give you so many things I couldn't and shouldn't. She could give you the love that I lacked in giving you, the love I was unable to give to you.  
I know the way I was in love with you was wrong but their was no way to fight those feelings, they were there and as real as ever.  
I watched you. You were talking to Haruhi, that mischievous look in your eyes. You always wore that look in you eyes when you had a plan but right now I didn't really worry, if it was really that big a plan you would have told me and we would have worked together to get it right.  
It seemed the more you hung out with her the more we drifted apart, I didn't like it.  
I was glad you were making friends with her and you didn't need me by your side to keep cool but... I felt like that was my only purpose in life, to be with you and make sure most things went smoothly.  
You didn't really need me anymore, I was just a brother. Nothing more. I wasn't even a friend anymore, all you talked about was Haruhi anyway so I usually tuned out.  
Last night you said you were really interested and confused by her, she wasn't like other girls who would faint as we walked in the room, or a girl who would do anything to grab our attention, no. Haruhi wasn't like the other girls, I guess that was why you liked her so much.  
I was jealous of her, that's the only explanation. She had so much of your attention, you had forgotten all about your little baby brother...  
I stood up from where I was sitting and walked out of the club room, you wouldn't notice anyway you were to into her to notice anything around you and besides I couldn't watch another second of her having all you attention.  
I knew I shouldn't feel like this I mean when have brothers ever been jealous of there other ones friends because they all of his attention?  
I didn't know what was wrong with me, you meant so much to me. More than a brother, I wanted us to be more then a brothers but, I knew it was twisted to think that way, I knew it was wrong to hope for such things.  
I stopped walking, only then had I realised that I had nearly walked into the pond in the courtyard. I stared at the rippling waters, suprised at how careless I had been. I walked over to a bench and sat down. You probably hadn't even noticed I had gone, you would only notice if Haruhi, one of the other host or some girls point it out to you. You can be so dense sometimes, I know it sounds harsh but it's true, you could.  
I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the water, it's shinning brilliance made rainbows in the light and creating a warm glow of happiness around the water. I was very beautiful.  
The bell rang.  
I felt my heart sink, I sat here for a whole hour and you didn't realise I was gone or try to find me.  
Some brother.  
I thought to myself. I got up and started walking towards the club room to collect my stuff. I met you on the way, my dear brother Hikaru, who forgot all about his baby brother because of some girl.  
"Oh, hey Kaoru." You greeted me kindly, a mixture of surprise in your voice. "When did you get down here? I could have sworn you were in the club room not that long ago."  
"I came down here an hour ago." I growled at him. He seemed taken aback by my tone, I ignored your look. "But like you would notice Hikaru, you were to busy with Haruhi to notice me." I said a bit louder, tears welling up in my eyes. I quickly walked away to the club room, leaving you standing by yourself. Just staring at the ground.  
I knew from then on... you would make this harder on me... you didn't know it but you would.  
I didn't know it yet but things were about to get worst.  
A lot worse.

* * *

**I know it's short but I will be updating as soon as possible, please Review :) Thanks **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again. I am trying to update as quickly as I can. Please don't be afraid to review or PM me if you have any ideas for the story. Thanks :D**

* * *

**Hikaru POV:**

I knew I was into her, and so did you. I stared at the floor, waiting for you. You and me had always been so close, we were so sure nothing could break us apart but lately you had been so distant. You always watched from afar when me and Haruhi talked, I wished you would come over, I really did but you would never.

Today you stormed out, I saw you but the Kyoya-Sempai wouldn't let me go because Haruhi and I were bringing more customers. I felt sick for not going after you, I only said I didn't see you go because... well, I was embarrassed that I wasn't a good enough brother to see you leave and not go after you. I thought pretending not to see you leave wouldn't be as bad, I guess they are both pretty equal actually.

I moved backwards and sat in a windowsill, you may be annoyed, even angry at me but I was still going to wait for you like I always did.

I stared at the marble floor, getting very familiar with the randoms patterns displayed on the floor.

I heard your soft footsteps, I heard your sobs.

I knew you hadn't seen me.

"Oh, Kaoru." I whispered to myself.

You walk past, I only got a glance at you. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying, you had tried to cover your face with your hair but you and I, both knew it was too short. It hurt me so much to see you like this, my usually composed Kaoru, sobbing, broken.

I shot up silently and brought you into a hug. You gasped sharply, not expecting anyone to be here, especially me. I turned you around and hugged you properly. You relaxed in my arms after a few seconds, starting to sob again into my chest.

We stood there in our comfortable spot. After a while you stopped crying and pulled yourself together. I broke our hug and looked at you, your eyes weren't puffy anymore but they had the slightest hint of red around your pupils. Your hair was still trying to reach down to your eyes, I swept it out of your face so I could see more of your face.

"Are you okay now Nii-chan?" I asked, a smile tugging at the edges of my lips.  
You looked up at me with those big pools of gold, giving me that innocent look that you wore so well. I know you were disappointed in me, I was disappointed in myself too. I should've gone after you. I really wish I did.  
"Yeah, I'm fine now." You replied, forcing a smile onto your face.  
You knew you weren't fooling anyone, especially me. You look away from me trying to hide the pain on your face. I hooked my finger under your chin and forced you to look at me.  
I thought I saw your face go a slight shade of pink, I smiled at that. You were so cute when you blushed.  
"I am really sorry I didn't go after you..." I said, my voice small.  
Your eyes widened, I had no idea why though. You were just to cute but I couldn't figure out exactly why. I didn't know if it was your beautiful pools of gold that you call eyes, or your innocent smile that had got us out of so much trouble so many times, I just didn't know.  
"You... you saw me leave?" You asked shakily.  
Oh right, I thought to myself. I had told Kaoru I didn't see him leave.  
I sighed.  
"Of course I saw you leave... I didn't get to got after you because Kyoya-Sempai wouldn't let me leave. I am sorry Kaoru, I really am." I said, my voice pleading.  
"You know you could have just said that." You said, face brightening a bit.  
"Come on Nii-chan, lets go home." I said in a tired voice.  
So we both walked together to the car, the ride home was silent, it wasn't an awkward silence but a loving and forgiving silence. The quiet was also filled with wondering imaginations and deep trains of thought.  
It was amazing how easily me and Kaoru could forgive each other, he was so understanding but even so... I couldn't help but wonder why he had left the club room and what he meant by I was to busy with Haruhi to notice him.  
It dawned on me that Kaoru might be jealous of Haruhi, but I quickly dismissed the thought.

Kaoru has never been jealous of anyone else before I don't think he would start now, I told myself but still in the back of my brain I could feel it burning into my skull.

I glanced at you.

You were staring out the window, daydreaming about something.  
I knew the way you loved me wasn't right, yes I knew how you loved me. We were twins after all.

I could read you like a book.

You kept those feelings from me, telling yourself it wasn't right, I knew you did because I had seen the way you looked at me and how a streak of pain would cross your face when I would talk to Haruhi for a long time.

You are my baby brother.

I know you.  
We finally arrived home. We both walked together to our room, as soon as we got into our room you unpacked your books and started on your homework. I could tell you were trying to stay off the subject of today.

"Hikaru... h-how do you feel about H-Haruhi?" Your voice cracked on Haruhi's name.

I pang of hurt hit my heart as I heard your voice sound so hopelessly sad.

"Well..." I started, I didn't really know what to say.

You looked down at your homework, not daring to look at me.

"She is a great friend..." I went on.

You glanced up a bit.

"Just a friend?" You questioned, just a hint of hope rising in your voice.

"Yeah, I guess." I answered, avoiding your gaze. "My turn to ask a question, Kaoru."

"Okay." You said cautiously.

"Are you... jealous of Haruhi?" I asked nervously. "Tell the truth." I commanded, more authority in my voice now.

You looked at me, shocked at my sudden change of tone. Then you stared at the ground.

"Come on, Kao" I encouraged. "No secrets between us."

You glanced up at me, your eyes penetrating my own.

"I-I don't know if I am jealous of her." You lied.

"Kao, the truth." I insisted.

"Fine." You huffed. "Yes, I'm jealous of her. Are you happy Hikaru?"

"Now, why would my cute little Kaoru be jealous of Haruhi?" I questioned, a small smirk dancing on my face.  
You looked at me, a small shade of pink spread across your cheeks. I was curious to see how dark that colour would go. I kept pushing, seening how far I would go.

"Um... I don't know why I'm jealous Hikaru, maybe it's because you seem to always forget about me when your with her." You reported smugly. Then you went back to doing you homework at the desk we both shared. I got up and hugged you from behind as sat in one of the wooden chairs that were placed in front of the desk. I wrapped my arms round you, leaning my face down so I could whisper into your ear.

"Okay then, I will try from now on to spend most of my time with you again, like I used to." I smiled to myself as I saw you face go nearly as red as your fiery hair.

"What's wrong? You seem flushed." A smirk hanging on my lips.

"I-I'm fine Hika." You said keeping your voice calm. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I placed my hand on your cheek and stroked it. Your skin was so soft, I loved the feel of it under my fingers.

**Kaoru's POV:**

I felt your fingers glide down my cheek.

I could feel my face growing hotter with every second you touched me.

Your smell was so intoxicating and your warm breath against me neck and ear was killing me.

My breath hitched a bit in my throat as your hands glided down from my face to my chest, serching and exploring curiously.

"Hika-" I started.

"Hush Kao." You said soothingly. "I said I would spend more time with you, didn't I?" I smirked.  
"W-What are you doing?" I asked.

"I am just-" You started.

"Hikaru!" I yelped, as you started nibbling my ear.

This is what I wanted, I knew this is what I wanted but I thought if you thought I wanted it you would be disgusted. You would yell at me, hit me, want separate rooms and I wouldn't let that happen.

"What Kao? We're just having fun." You said slyly.

"Don't do that Hikaru!" I yelled standing up, out of your reach.

You looked so surprised. I wondered why that was, under normal circumstances I would have still done the same thing. I wanted you to look anywhere else but at me, your amber eyes penetrated my own.

"I am going to have a shower." I announced. "Just at least try to do your homework."

"Yeah." You answered, but I could tell by your voice that you were in some far off land of thought

* * *

**Thats all for now but I will keep writing soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know this chapter is immensely short but I just wanted to post it so you guys knew I was still working on this story. I will post ASAP! Promise.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything, blah blah blah you get the picture.  
**

* * *

**Kaoru's POV:**  
I couldn't believe what had just happened...

You had just kissed me, I of course kissed back. Soaking in as much of your sweet taste as I could.

You tasted like strawberries.

Now we were just staring at each other in awe and shock.

I kissed you again, needing to feel your lips against mine.

I knew I had been longing for this, I had wanted it so much.

We pulled away again.

"Hika?" I asked, he was staring at me with a blank expression.

"Yeah Kao?" He answered, his tone as blank as his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned about my twin.

"Yeah, I'm fine... are we ready for bed?"

I stared at you, pain filled my heart as I guessed you didn't love me... not like I loved you.

You did kiss me but then why are you reacting like this?

"I think so." I replied, turning away from you and laying down on our shared bed.

You were so confusing! Why did you continue to torture me with strange, perverted and confusing feelings?

I sighed silently, closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

I also pretended not to notice as a tear slipped down my cheek, darkening the fabric of my pillow as it landed.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is still really short for my standards but I am working hard on the next chapter. Hopefully it will be longer and up faster. So sorry for making you guys wait and for posting such short chapters.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything.  
**

* * *

**Kaoru's POV:**

I woke up.

It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the light. I looked around me wondering what time it was, I saw the glowing green numbers of out digital clock. They read 5:30AM.

I sighed and got up. It was no use trying to get back to sleep now so I might as well get ready.

You were still asleep on your side of the bed, I smiled at how cute you looked when you were asleep.

And now the perverted thoughts start again, I thought to myself.

I sighed again and walked down stairs to get breakfast. It was a Saturday and Mother and Father had given the maids the day off. I knew there was some sort of reason for that but I couldn't remember.

I made myself some toast and had a bowl of cereal. After I had finished and washed up I walked into the living room and grabbed the book I had been reading a few days before from the table.

I sat down on the window sill, letting the sun that was just rising warm me.

I didn't even know you were there until you draped your arms around me.

I gasped.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" You asked.

I nodded, unable to find my words.

You kissed my neck. I gasped again softly, not expecting the feel of your warm lips against my cold skin.

"I'm really sorry if I upset you last night Kaoru." You purred into my ear.

I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"Can I make it up to you?" I could almost feel the smirk in your words.

I finally got a hold of myself.

"How might you do that dear brother?" I questioned, I wouldn't let you get to me so quickly.

You gave me a predatory look that sent more chills down my spine.

"Would you like to find out?" You asked suggestively.

I pouted cutely, turning towards you. "Come on Hikaru." My voice taking a whiney tone, "At least give me a hint?"

I was pushing it and I knew that.

You stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking it over.

"No." You said smirking again. "No hints, it's a yes or no."

"Well..."I started, pretending to think it over.

I gave you a smile and laced my arms around your neck.

"... I think I want to see how you will make it up to me." I ended, inches from your face.

You smiled and moved you face just a tiny bit closer me. Our noses were now touching.

"What do you have in store for me, my dear?" I questioned, getting bolder with every second.

I could see the look of shock cross your face at the name but then change to the predatory and hunger filled look.

"There are many things I have in store for you, beautiful."

Now it was my turn to be shocked.

"You're to cute." You said before you kissed me.

It was a slow kiss at first but the turned into a more full and passionate one. You licked my bottom lip, requesting entry.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! Hope you like this horrible short chapter but! If you review, it makes me write faster. True fact. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey again everyone. I am AMAZINGLY sorry for making you guys wait so long. Thankfully this chapter is longer and I am working on the next chapter. It should be out pretty soon. Thanks for reading and I hope you like it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything.  
**

* * *

**Kaoru's POV:**  
We couldn't do this.

It hurt my heart to think those words but for some reason my heart also seemed to hurt every time you touched me.

"Hikaru." I whispered, pulling away. "Please."

You looked into my eyes.

"What is it Kao?" You whispered in my ear huskily.

"W-we can't do this." I replied, stuttering.

"Says who?" You asked playfully.

"Everyone." I said, looking away.

You looked down at me with a sad expression. You kissed my cheek.

"When did you start caring what others think?" You asked.

"Since we joined the Host Club." I answered, poking my tongue out at you.

You smiled and kissed my nose.

"You still shouldn't care."

"But I do. Hikaru we just can't do this, it is wrong." I said looking into your amber eyes.

You stood up up and stepped away from me. Your expression impossible to read.

"Hika-" I started but I was cut off as you ran off.

I quickly got up and ran after you, you ran out the front door and then just kept running.

"Hikaru!" I called.

Stopping at the end of our driveway, I stared out into space.

"Hikaru I'm sorry. I wish this didn't hurt my heart and I wish it wasn't wrong but... it is." I whispered to myself, wishing you would hear.

I walked back to the house, only just holding back tears. I pulled out my phone and dialed your number.

_Ring-ring-ring_

No answer.

Dammit Hikaru, do you have to make this harder on me? I hate this situation as much as you.

I tried calling you again.

Still no answer.

I called Haruhi, thankfully she had her phone close by and turned on.

"Hello? This is Haruhi speaking." She said into the phone.

"Haruhi. Is Hikaru there?" I asked hopefully.

"No he isn't Kaoru. Why? What's happened?"

"Um... it's a long story. Can I come over?" I asked in a defeat.

There was no way I'd hear the end of it if I didn't tell her. Then everyone else would find out

"Yeah sure."

"I'll be over soon, see you soon." I said into the phone.

"See you soon Kaoru." She replied.

I went into the house and got changed, I had still been in my nightclothes when I had run after you. You had obviously gotten changed before you had come downstairs.

I sighed and entered the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth.

I meant what I said to you. This hurt me so much. I wonder if it's worth all of this, I could just let go and be with you. I would love to have that option and not need to worry about others.

I headed downstairs and got into the car. I sunk into my chair and let my mind wonder. What would the other hosts think? There had been a few rumors I had heard of about Kyoya-sempai and Milord.

There were also rumors of Honey and Mori, but then again it's better to believe rumors are false rather than true.

The car stopped, I had arrived at Haruhi's house. I got out of the car and told the driver I would call him when I wanted to leave. I walked up the stairs with heavy steps.

I finally came to Haruhi's apartment. I knocked on the door and waited.

It was a few seconds before Haruhi emerged.

"Hey Kaoru." She greeted kindly.

"Hi Haruhi."

She opened the door and let me in. The house seemed so much bigger without the rest of the Host Club. Ranka must have been at work so that just left Haruhi and I.

I was glad to be honest. I don't know if Ranka would be understanding of my situation but on the other hand he might be.

Haruhi had some food already set up on the table. I smiled. Haruhi really didn't waste any time.

Haruhi and I sat down, eating lunch as I tried my hardest to put off telling her what happened.

"Kaoru I let you come over so you could tell me what's going on." She snapped.

"Well that's not very nice." I huffed playfully.

"Kaoru just tell me what's happened between you and Hikaru."

"Fine but this stays between you and me right?" I asked, wanting to be sure.

"Of course, I won't breathe a word." She insisted, looking at me intently.

I sighed and started the story.

**Hikaru's POV:**  
I'm so tired of this, everything hurts.

I had found myself in an abandoned park, sitting under a tree.

Why did you have to do this to me? You can be so selfish sometimes. I know you were only saying those things because you are scarred of how others will react.

Your words had gotten to me and I had fled. I had no idea of where I was going or of what I was going to do. I wonder what you would be doing right now. Worrying? Not caring?

You weren't that heartless. You knew I needed space or you would've kept calling me or used the tracking devices in my phone.

Being out in all this silence was helping me think. I wanted to talk to you about this so we could sort it out. I love you. I always have and always will.

I looked around, taking in the scenery. Gray clouds were rolling over the lush green mountains. It would probably rain today, I hope it wouldn't be a thunder storm. That would scare Haruhi half to death.

But Haruhi wasn't my main concern at this time, you were. I picked up my phone and dialed your number.

"Hello?" You asked into the phone.

"Hi Kaoru." I answered emotionlessly.

"HIkaru, where are you? I've been so worried." You said frantically.

"Calm down, I'm... in a park. Where are you?" My voice still emotionless.

"I'm at Haruhi's. How-" You started.

"I'll see you later Kaoru." I cut in and hung up on you.

I started walking towards Haruhi's, or at least where I thought it was. I had seen our car around here somewhere so I must be pretty close.

I looked around, trying to remember where I had seen the car. It had been near a fast food restaurant.

There, found it. It was parked outside some sort of sandwich place. I didn't really care.

I walked up and knocked on the window. The drive frantically looked around before his eyes landed on me. I waved and he got out of the car.

"Young Master Hitachiin, how did you get here?" The old driver asked.

"I walked."I answered quickly. "Could you please take me to Haruhi's?"

"You of course Master." He replied before getting in the drivers seat of the car.

I got into the back of the limo and put in my headphones. I still din't know how I felt right now or what I would do when I saw you.

I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

* * *

**Thanks for reading everyone and all of your ongoing support. Please review and I'll get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Sorry again for the long wait.  
**


End file.
